| this is my last day of work
before i leave for new jersey
and tomorrow morning
i get on a plane
for 13 and a half hours
to beijing
and then i will wait in the airport for 3 hours
for my 2 hour flight
to chengdu
which means
i will be
IN CHINA
......
THE END | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment   |
| this is seriously a problem.
i've stayed away from shows like 'grey's anatomy' and 'lost' because...i don't know why. if the advertising wasn't enough to get me involved, what else would? well, because phil likes LOST, loves it even, begged me to watch it...and because my roommate loves it and has tried numerous times to make me watch it...i caved. peer pressure is a dangerous thing.
six episodes later and i STILL don't like the show.
...but i can't stop watching it.
In other news, Cat has returned to GarouMUSH. I'm having a blast, and so is my roommate. Karina's never had so much reason to tease me. I've made two or three futile attempts to explain both premise of game and how such games are played to her, but after about five minutes in my voice trails off, we look at each other and burst out laughing. It's okay though. My eyes glaze over the same way when she talks about her boyfriend's glass. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| So, supposedly things are going to improve. Mary Ellen promised to talk to me at greater length and that I wasn't going to be fired, but instead, was very valued. I still have my doubts but it's something, so let's see how January goes. If that's all right, February will be easy (not here for most of it) and then I really only have March and April and May. I will probably quit in May (since my lease ends, and I'll be busy figuring out where I'll be going next year.)
Read on if you're not offended by female bodily functions.
( Read more... )
I feel like I'm starting to forget the reasons I'm in a long distance relationship. I need to keep working harder, that's all. I love Phil, and we've come so far to be together. The distance is difficult but it's good for us too. We're both growing, even if he's going a little faster than I am. Next year will be my big year. Next year will be my chance to find something new and exciting, something challenging. Looks like Japan, Israel, India, or the Philippines for me.
Not too much to report, really. Trying to take it easy, do the things I need to get done, and politely refuse the many favors and requests I've been getting. I wouldn't be hesitant to oblige if people didn't ask me for something every single day. Especially when it's stuff like having holes in your boxers. Um...sorry, I don't feel like taking you to the mall to get new ones. Aren't there supposed to be holes in boxers anyway? And you have FREE LAUNDRY. (logic breaks)
Hope everyone's having a good day. :) | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Oh wow, you guys rock!
I'm not going to get into every reason I hate my job, but I'll go into some big ones.
The girl I was hired with (we started the same day) is three years older than me and has 7 years in admin-office type work, so she's a whiz at this stuff. Unfortunately, she was made my supervisor 3 months ago, and she ceased to be enjoyable to work with. She has intimidated me into eating lunch at my desk (when I eat lunch) and not ever leaving the office, while she takes hour or longer lunch breaks with her mother. She has paid vacation days long before either of us were eligible, while I was admonished for attending religious services during the High Holy Days (after I had gotten permission). She has harrassed me to the point of tears when the office is empty except for us. I couldn't report to the CEO or CPO what she does because they absolutely adore her (they take her out for lunch, go shopping with her, call her for advice etc), so it's made the office a very uncomfortable place for me.
The work I do is not the work I was hired to do. I was hired to create a marketing campaign with a group of clubhouse kids as the focus of the campaign. This was an exciting prospect to me. Instead, I print out event invitations or signs. I sit behind a desk for 8 hours a day on the Internet looking for grants, then write grants and wait to be yelled at because they make me ask for 120% of what the grant offers and don't understand why we get denied. I stuff envelopes or write grants or create the occasional program for a board meeting. I run errands to CVS or Staples. I am basically an in-house desktop publisher. None of this work takes much intelligence. Whenever I try to help out in meaningful ways (programmatic ideas, or fundraising ideas) I am either ignored or told "you don't know how it works here". There is a lot of money being wasted and a lot of potential lost because of various practices, and the very fact that I can't even share this information is infuriating. I have since stopped volunteering ideas.
So I don't like who I work with, and I don't like what I do...the last straw is that I'm not learning anything. This job teaches me no skills, other than meeting deadlines and getting up in the morning. The few experiences I feel have changed my outlook or "broadened horizons" have been the rare interactions with actual kids. I think the Boys & Girls Club is really needed in a place like Lancaster. Urban youth have got it hard, and this organization helps them grow. But I'm not part of that growth except in a very, very, very tangential way.
I have 3 new rules for testing if a job is compatible:
1) If you like who you work with but not what you do, it's okay.
2) If you like what you do, but not who you work with, it's okay.
3) If you don't like what you do, or who you work with, but you're learning something, it's okay.
For some reason working at the mall seemed enticing, simply because of how awful the Club is, but again, I've never worked outside of College (and now here). I will take everyone's advice though, and avoid retail. There is a new restaurant opening up around the corner from my house, so I am going to see if I can find out when they are hiring; they haven't finished remodeling yet so it will be some time. I would love to be a bartender!! ...I just don't have any bartender training. Oops.
In the meantime, I have been working on other jobs, albeit for next year. I've sent in my application for JET, to teach English in Japan, and I am currently working on a Peace Corps application. I have also got my eye on a couple fellowships for Israel + India, and some other teach English in Korea/India/Thailand/China jobs, but this is all for May 2007-onward.
I am going to try to hang in till the end of January, but I will submit some job applications around Lancaster during that time too. In February I go to China to visit Phil for 16 days and hopefully when I get back, I'll have some people interested in seeing me for a new job. Then if I'm lucky, I can start somewhere else in March and just hang on somewhere in Lancaster until May or so.
I guess I'm just disappointed that I didn't have a good experience. It will be hard to convince future employers that "it was the job, not me!" But thank you, to everyone, for your feedback and your encouragement!! I feel a lot better about the whole process now.
Hopefully I will last until February. That's only 6 more weeks... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| So here I am, world. At my very first Big Kid job. Working for the Boys & Girls Club of Lancaster.
I have never been more miserable in my life.
College was hard. College was rough. Sometimes I hated it. But I didn't wake up every morning wanting to quit school, wanting to leave. I worked really hard so that I could stay. I fought so that I could stay. Not the case at all, here.
I've been very reluctant to discuss this because the people I talked to about it most (my mother and Phil) kept saying, "try harder. Give it time. It's your first job. It'll get better." And I wanted to make them proud, so I kept at it. But after 6 months I think it's fair to come to the conclusion that it's not getting better, time isn't improving things, and trying harder has not made anything better, it just made me everyone's bitch. While the pay is all right, Something absolutely has to change.
I'm too tired to get into details, but I will eventually, because I do want honest opinions...
When is enough enough?
Anyone else have a bad first job experience? What did you do to improve things?
Has anyone ever worked in retail? And liked it? (This might be my only option if I leave the Club.)
Sigh. Well...it's already 2pm. Quitting time is only 3 and a half hours away. Did I mention that I have learned to make sweet sticky coconut rice? Yeah. The world is getting better. | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| Threadless.com
t-shirts? t-shirts are amazing.
check out "haikus are easy". you might see yours truly pictured in the gallery...holding a pint of ice cream and standing in the freezer. i swear it makes sense. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| (note to self: what if i only did this once a year?)
it is my birthday.
i am 21 years old.
this means i'm ordering something at a bar for dinner tonight. perhaps a margarita, my mother's suggestion, "with just a spoonful of tequila."
she also hinted strongly that i owe her big time, considering the painful labor she endured to birth me.
....yeah.
sorry about that, mom.
gonna be a good day today. bye kids.
<3sigma | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| Hey kids. An old acquaintance from way back in the days of Jew Camp just sent me a message because she saw that I liked the Spinto Band, who apparently is playing at her company's party. Hot stuff!
Anybody going to the October 20th show @ Starlight Ballroom? It's my first time at a Philly concert not in the TLA, and I'm a little nervous. Gonna need someone to hold my hand, especially when Spinto comes on.
-sig | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| I'm having a lot more trouble with my reapp then I thought! I know exactly what kind of person I want Cat to be like when he's returned...it's just the explanation of where he's been, and what happened to him to make him that way, is getting to me.
I'll get through it. Grebbsy-wiz (sp?) has been very helpful and gave me a really good idea. I think it's a case of writer's block. I definitely have a "I was running at 60 mph and then hit a wall" feeling.
Going to veg out tonight at home, clean up the house a little and play with the application. Also inviting Chris and Trevor over so I can keep convincing Trevor to play and he can help me convince Chris to play. I never realize how deeply truly geeky I am until I hear myself talk about the game to other people. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Well, my life has settled down into a form that it's a little less exciting (read: dramatic) and yet, enjoyable. I have room to think now, to grow, to choose things. While the occasional fit of frustration still takes hold (leading me to believe my body is now so used to anxiety and panic attacks that contentment and harmony are met with withdrawal symptoms) I am happy.
Do you hear me, world? I'm happy. And I'm serious about it.
I'll be turning 21 November 1st. I've grown up a lot, and I've been thinking a great deal about the friends or acquaintances I had during my harder times. The teenage years are difficult, and while I can't say mine were harder than others, they were certainly hard...certainly bizarre, sometimes. I almost miss that person I was simply because of the friends I made then. Although the current person I am is stable, happy, and in love with life, I do some things differently. I am different. I am not the person some people once knew. And it's always weird to figure that out.
Not that I would change a goddamn thing about me. Heh.
Well, now that I work 9-5 and have a laptop and wireless internet, a stable income that I am in control of, and a vehicle; I seem set to choose my own activities, and define the person I will be for the rest of my life. And I've been thinking about joining GarouMUSH again.
I miss writing, I miss the inside jokes, and I think I can get my next door neighbor Chris into it (seeing as he plays on other online games currently, but he won't tell me where). I am a little hesitant to come back, though. Honestly? I'm embarrassed about the often-immature way I behaved there. I forgot many times that I was playing with adults, not with kids (sorry Helen! I don't mean you). I was a brat and the more I think about it, wow, players were just really, really, nice to me. Also wizards (notably Tski, who probably deserves honorary uncleship for just putting up with my whining, of which there was lots).
And Yiplayer, and Olgaplayer, and Tobiasplayer and Quentin Player and Salem/Walkerplayer and Rinaplayer and Cameronplayer and haha, FineRedMist! and Professor Worm...wow. There's a long list of pseudorelatives that raised me during high school and college, that put up with me when I was sad and said good things to me when my dad died. And I've never thanked them properly. So I'd feel a little silly rejoining and going "Hey what's up guys!" especially since I tried to rejoin during college as Tommy Gun and didn't have the time. I should kill off one of my three and bring back another.
But now I have time, and unlike other "whims" this one is a recurring idea. I think I'm going to do it, and give apologies and thanks in person where due. I guess I'll start working on a reapp tonight...
Ha, it's good to have fun! | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| Okay. I really haven't gloated about my new car yet. But really, one of the things that I thought was interesting was just the level of attention paid to me by the dealership AND the company afterwards. Let me expound...
Service and quality used to be a staple of American production. It used to be the tagline to many products and items. "Built to last!" "Best service anywhere!" There is truth to be had when older folks mention that "they don't build them like they used to." Mass production, especially now that it's located in China or Indonesia or yes the Philippines, does not focus on quality anymore. It's now become profitable to make things cheaply that are in fact cheap; and when they break, you have repeat business. Irate customers are replaceable. As are these products!
So people my age are pretty used to this phenomena. If something we bought breaks, it is easily replaced rather than repaired. It's one of the reasons I hate Wal-Mart (but still occasionally shop there). If you want something cheap to last for a little while, there you go. Gone is the American concept of endurance.
Even service in stores has disappeared. Now, I get creeped out by the over-attentive salesperson who is trying to make sure you don't steal. I hate being followed. But I remember being little and having sales people put on shoes for me. They weren't creepy. They would smile and sometimes give you a balloon. Who doesn't love balloons? But isn't that what service is...making the customer feel good about their purchase and trying to encourage them to return? I really feel like there used to be a demand for a repetoire between business and consumer. Now there is a divide...instant gratification, for the best price, from the easiest supplier, so that it is less of an experience and more of an action.
So imagine my surprise when, after I buy my car, I keep getting mail from the dealership and company, two months later. Letters (form, but still) that are personally signed by the guy that sold it to me, hoping that my car is working out for me and reminding me of which service team will take care of my car. Or a phone call from the Scion company, asking me how my car has worked out, how I'd rate it, and: words to describe ME. The driver. Am I adventurous, or imaginative? A thrill-seeker? And hey, there's nothing people like more than someone taking an interest in them. (see Dale Carnegie books).
So my car, which I love everything about, is not only a great machine, but now it's a great experience. Toyota has clearly put a lot of effort into sustaining online communities of Scion drivers. Of course there's the element of profit. They want to make money. So they want to keep their car owners happy! But still, it's a good feeling to think that the big fat check you paid for the car goes further than just the purchase of a machine. I am a satisfied customer.
Isn't it a little strange, then, that this good old fashioned concept of American care and service...is being provided by a Japanese company?
Ganbattekudasai, Ford and General Motors! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| an odd thing about IMs...
sometimes people get weirded out by them. me, for instance.
my computer sometimes restarts itself after downloading updates, and i used to leave AIM up all the time because of the college cable internet. well, people would send me messages, comp would restart- messages would be gone and i would be none the wiser. later, people would get mad i hadn't received their messages. or, my comp would restart (and AIM with it) and i'd be online without an away message, and people would think i was there and IM me and get mad i wasn't responding.
so i've stopped using AIM almost entirely. i only get on when i want to talk to someone specific. the problem is, one of the people who is angry with me is someone i really liked as a friend- one of those people i didn't have a lot of contact with, and so i guess their feelings were hurt by my lack of AIM contact. but that is not one of the primary ways i talk to people anymore, and it's really frustrating because she facebook de-friended me.
now isn't that a new low?
dunno what to do. without almighty facebook, i don't have ways of getting in touch with her (i don't have her email.) the silly things we get upset about... | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| irony! yay!
HOORAY BEER! god i love those commercials.
(remember when YOU used to read this? remember? yeah, you know who you are. you'd get mad at me too. and look at us now...)
i'm at work and don't have any reason to do this, really, except i really really wanted to make a list of life goals or general goals all of the sudden. and what urge is to be denied?
1) learn how to write with an ink pen...so that i can have pretty script handwriting
2) learn spanish
3) learn how to sew
4) learn how to cook something...healthy
5) go somewhere where i think i know the language but don't really
6) become a respectable B cup by gaining weight
7) gain weight up until I am 120lbs
8) create a classy warddrobe
9) learn to fly an airplane
10) learn to drive stickshift
11) work at a clothing retail store | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| 1 black macbook.
1 black 30 gig ipod.
HOT DAMN.
next week:
1 silver car.
this is the american dream.... | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| play music loud and dance around
you're too young to be so old inside
too good with a cigarette to be so wide-eyed
there's no god, so no one's watching
have heaven while you wait to die
develop your photographs and feel alive
life is pretty good, actually.
just long, and tiring. my mother is sleeping in my bed, fresh returned from THE MOTHERLAND (aka israel). my birds chirp in the background. i am loved, and the AC works. who could ask for anything more? | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | wow. | | Time: | 01:50 pm |
|
| the formal was great.
i sort of fucked up all of saturday though. very, very long story...maybe when i'm not as hungover, i'll tell you about it.
but the moral of the story is that i'm very lucky to be with someone who forgives me for the shit i pull. and i love him all the more for it.
now i'm going to try to eat something. and not get sick.
love
sigma | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| i've been having major fights with my mom lately. mostly, over money, although the first one was her reluctance to come to a barbecue my boyfriend's family was hosting the day after graduation.
all very long stories, which nobody really cares about, and besides- my explanation will undoubtedly paint her as evil and cruel and irrational. which, she has been in the past and is probably being now. but that would leave out the myriad of ways i am sure i am being a bad daughter. the end result is that she's mad at me (again), i'm in an awful mood and facing 60k worth of loans ($60,000...that's an awful lot of zeroes) and she's berating me for even having them in the first place.
60k over 20 years is not so bad, really. 3k a year, could be worse. I will definitely do my best to pay as much as I can as soon as I can, because the Boys & Girls Club job is a good one and I should be able to pay 5k this year, if I'm careful. The requisite 3k, no problem.
I'm just...angry, I guess. I was looking forward to new clothes, new things- MY things. I want to go abroad next year and doing so may hurt my chances of making 3k to send back for the year 2007-2008. And lots of other things besides...it's just...I could be debt free. It was always within my parents' grasp. This is a sour reminder that my father's death has left me at my mother's mercy, and sometimes she's really not very nice.
i'm always having problems with money, aren't i? it's a stressful thing. i was looking forward to next year and not having problems with money. i guess i should have been more realistic.
7 page paper to write, due tomorrow at 4. not concerned, but should be. bye kids. | | comments: 7 comments or Leave a comment |
| i feel really alone,
like i want to be alone,
but i'm afraid of sleeping because that's when my nightmares come.
(and they say i'm stronger than i used to be) | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
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